


another day goes by, and where was i?

by chemicalflashes



Series: Instrumentality + What Now? [6]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Menstruation, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Canon, Post-The End of Evangelion, another day in the life of two stranded teenagers, asuka's having a hard time, not really shipping centric, they are on the verge of reaching an understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:11:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23303647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemicalflashes/pseuds/chemicalflashes
Summary: Sometimes you need a little wishful thinking just to keep on living.In which Asuka Langley Soryu and Shinji Ikari deal with the weathered, post-apocalyptic, barren landscape around them and each other to keep on surviving in spite of their illnesses and differences and the monotony.A question looms over their heads: Will anyone ever make it out of the red sea?Sequel to 'do you remember?'
Relationships: Ikari Shinji/Souryuu Asuka Langley
Series: Instrumentality + What Now? [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1351609
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	another day goes by, and where was i?

**Author's Note:**

> So here I am finally with Part VI, almost 10 months later. Forgive me.

> _What's the use?_
> 
> _I'm not talking sense_
> 
> _Call it a ruse_
> 
> _On myself_
> 
> _I wanted to still go_
> 
> _I wanted to still say_
> 
> _All things come to pass_
> 
> _With time_
> 
> _But I want everything now_
> 
> _To be alright_
> 
> **_— 'Young', Vacations_ **

**Then.**

The girl is fiery, from the ends of her ginger tresses to the soles of her red shoes. Her yellow dress sways like a flame and then it sways too much and so very suddenly, there’s a stinging sensation on his face. Shinji frowns. Why did he get slapped? He had not even been looking! The only one who really is being weird at the moment is Touji and well...the girl has already moved on.

She says her name is Asuka Langley Soryu and she says it very proudly, for some reason. Well, good for her, at least someone is proud to pilot an Eva. A second later, Misato introduces him as the Third Child and the girl calls him dull. Well great, she is right. Let her be right and let’s get this over with.

**Now.**

Her shoulders don’t have the stiffness of the pride he’s known her to carry as they sit beside each other on the beach. She hasn’t been like that for quite a while now. They sit together for a long time in companionable silence and nothing except the sound of the crashing waves disturbs the calm. The voices in his head have seemed to stop for now.

Her hair is open and it flows along with the breeze. A few strands fall on his face, almost making him sneeze, but he doesn’t bother to tell her, and if she notices, she doesn’t say anything.

“...Well,” Asuka says suddenly, “do you think the others will come back?”

Shinji ponders upon this for a few moments before answering. “I think, yes they can. _We_ of all people came back.”

She almost smiles. “You’re right. The rest of them cannot be more — OW!”

She clutches her stomach in a frenzy and takes in a deep breath. He is too confused to even begin to understand what is happening. He just looks at her writhing in pain before trying to catch her shoulders. “Hey!”

She looks away. 

“What’s happening? Are you feeling sick?”

When she does glance back at him, his eyes are wide with concern and clearly, he doesn’t know anything about girls. Asuka scoffs. Feeling sick? She feels like that every day these days. What a joke.

“You can say I feel sicker than usual.” He keeps looking at her, expecting her to explain further and she gives in. “I think my period is about to start…” She grimaces. “Or maybe it already has.”

Shinji suddenly finds the sand around them very interesting. “Oh,” is all that he can say.

She manages to stand up on her own but her hand never lets go of her abdomen. He follows shortly and both of them look at the vast expanse of the red sea. 

“Well, I kind of guessed,” he tells no one in particular.

‘Should I give you a medal for that?’ she thinks but surprisingly, doesn't say it aloud. Asuka regards him from the corner of her eyes. “I am going to look for…the required stuff.”

And she walks, she walks fast but...but the pain is really bad and he is not fooled so easily.

“Wait…” He plods along to catch up. “I think that you should rest. I am sure I got some of your...stuff...earlier, during one of our first supply runs.”

She frowns at him and the disbelief is evident on her face.

“First of all call them what they are.”

He rubs his nose and looks to the side. “Sanitary napkins. I got your brand from one of the wrecked medical stores.”

She is surprised he actually knows and remembers things like that, but she manages to keep her lips pursed in a neutral line. He’s not lying, she’s certain of that because he has been the one stacking and arranging all their materials.

“Interesting,” is all she says before ambling to their tent.

* * *

Shinji remembers the first time he had held a packet of sanitary napkins. It had happened like this:

Misato had given him a shopping list and her credit card. He had concentrated at the list long enough to see blind spots dance around in his vision. Misato had barely contained her smile. Her mouth was curved slyly and Shinji was unnerved.

"What are you gawking at, Shinji?" she had said, the sly smile never leaving her face.

He had sputtered immediately. "You want me to buy _those_?"

She had continued smiling. "Specify 'those'."

"You know what I am talking about!"

Misato had rolled her eyes dramatically. "Ugh, it will be _fine._ Men do this all the time!"

He had just looked at the ground. "I know, but —"

"Then do it! No buts."

He had begrudgingly walked towards the door. 'If this is what makes her happy, then fine,' he had thought as he had gone outside. As he had walked towards the lift, he could hear her gradually damping voice saying, "I knew you're dependable!" from the other side of the door.

The walk to the store and the shopping itself had been uneventful. Misato had thankfully specified the brand that she had wanted; otherwise Shinji was pretty much convinced that he would have been lost in a sea of women's personal hygiene products.

After that first time, buying those napkins had gradually become less and less strange. By the time Asuka had come around to live with them, he knew a bit about their sizes. When Misato had given him a list with two different brands, he had just understood quietly and went about his business.

For quite a while, the girl hadn't realised that it was him who had been buying the stuff. She had thought that Misato bought her napkins herself while buying her own supplies. Understandably, she had been furious and said things like 'boys don't deserve to know all this!' until Misato had calmed her down and said that it was all right that one person managed the household's entire supplies in order to keep a track of them without interference from others.

Asuka had just scoffed at him and he had had the wisdom to look away.

Shinji remembers all this as he bends down and uncovers a corner of their supply stack outside the tent to bring out a packet. Her brand. He remembers. How could he ever forget that extra name on Misato's shopping list?

The wind blows his hair into his eyes as he seals the supplies back in the tarpaulin. The red sea crashes against the beach as always and he stands up to face it.

"Where are you, Misato?" he asks the cold sea breeze, and for a moment, if he concentrates really hard, he can almost hear her.

"Yes," he tells himself, "I really do need wishful thinking just to keep on living."

* * *

When Shinji arrives inside their tent, Asuka is lying down, tossing and turning around with pain. He is immediately by her side.

"Did you find them?" she manages to gasp. 

"Yes…"

"Okay, give me one quickly. If I am lucky, I haven't completely bled out in my panty."

He doesn't try to focus on her words and instead rips open the packet and hands her a single napkin with a shaky hand. She snatches it in a second and he turns to leave when she says, "You can stay."

He's about to reply, about to say, "What the hell?!" but she beats him to it.

"I mean I might still need your help. Just turn the other way around."

His cheeks feel hot as he does what she says. In fact, he feels that his cheeks might burn. As he sits there, he hears her shuffling behind him, grunting in pain and he has an urge to turn around and see if she is alright but he doesn't. Turning around would most likely...not be taken as concern and he would be lying if he did in fact think it was all due to concern.

A dark part of him that is just a teenaged boy is curious and he hates it. 'I don't deserve to see her,' he tells himself. 'Not after what I did. Never after what I did.'

No, that isn't quite right either. He remembers the time Asuka undid the ribbon on her neck to show him her scarred chest and how she had said that she wouldn't bite him. 'I don't deserve to see her because of what I did _and_ because she doesn't want me to.'

Suddenly, he is hit by something light on his head and he is called out of his thoughts.

"Hey, you aren't listening!"

He looks at the slowly unfurling light green plastic ball of crushed wrapping lying by his knee. It is the wrapper in which a pad comes packed in. Behind him, Asuka is already adding on to her words.

"I need a new set of underwear. And…" her voice hesitates, "I need to wash my panty."

"It's alright," he replies within a second, not really thinking much, "I'll wash it." Shinji sets about pulling up the mattress to find her clothes, still facing away from her. They keep all of their undergarments stowed beneath the mattress, just right where their feet lie.

He doesn't see her eyes widen as he continues adding on to his words. "You are sick. Please rest and don't worry about it. I have washed your clothes before."

"Not when they were blood stained!" she protests feebly, cheeks bright red.

He tosses her a bra and panty without turning backwards. The sight of them doesn't affect him all that much now; living with Misato has made him resilient in some sense of the word. Asuka changes in silence and he once again hears her shuffling behind him. He acts on autopilot.

"You can turn around now," she tells him a few minutes later.

She is sitting with crossed legs and arms folded over her stomach. Her breathing is heavy and ragged and Shinji thinks that she looks absolutely miserable.

"You really don't have to do it," she insists, gaze falling down to the two small clothes lying by her feet. His eyes follow her line of sight and he remembers how she had tended to him almost three days ago with hands that had been shaking like his own are now...how she had called him out on his stupidity when he had wanted her to kill him and how she had smiled yesterday night, sleeping in the crook of his neck.

The least he can do for her right now is wash her clothes while she is unwell. She has done so much for him. It is time for him to finally grow up. He catches her dirty laundry in his hands and doesn't act weird about it. She still seems unsure and he remembers her screaming match with Misato from what seems like a lifetime ago.

He grins at her. "Hey, guess what, Asuka?"

She just stares at him, unable to gather his intentions from the sudden happiness on his face. 'Go on,' her eyes tell him.

"You were wrong to say that boys shouldn't get to know about all this." The grin doesn't leave his face. He feels like Misato. 

One, two, three, four, five, six seconds pass before she finally gets what he's getting at. She frowns.

"Oh, come on!!"

As Shinji ducks out of their tent, he can hear her ask, "How the hell was I supposed to know times would turn out like this?" 

It's a scene oddly reminiscent of the first time Misato made him buy the napkins. He continues smiling.

* * *

Asuka lies sore and alone in the tent with her right arm nursing the frequent spasms in her frail abdomen. At least Shinji seems to be in a jovial mood today, she thinks. That's the only good thing in this entirely hellish situation that they are in.

Speaking of bad things, her feet have started aching too and it feels like her back might actually peel off. She groans and her other hand that has been free moves up to rest on her forehead. She can do nothing but glare at the ceiling of the tent and wait for Shinji.

Then maybe she could ask him to bring her some painkillers from their supplies. She knows he won't refuse, but she already feels embarrassed that he is washing her panty right now as she lies here. Not just any normal panty, but one soiled with her blood. And on top of all that, he's washing it with his damn _hands_. She feels mortified.

'Calm down, you idiot girl,' she thinks, 'he did say he has washed your clothes before'. But her thoughts don't comfort her at all.

It's not that Asuka thinks that her menstrual blood is actually _dirty_ but that there is something inherently secretive about experiencing a period. She knows that her views are irrational but she cannot help them. She recalls the time she had been at college in Germany where the older girls had always freely talked about sanitary napkins and tampons and condoms. But she had never fit in their conversations.

They had always giggled awkwardly around her, anyway, telling her that she was a bit too young. That had made her all the more adamant on appearing as an adult.

She would never admit it, but she had been glad that her first period came when she had been home after college ended. She had been free to look around in her step-mother's cupboard. She couldn't imagine being among all those much older and much more sophisticated girls during that time. She couldn't imagine them being helpful at all.

Now that she thinks about it, maybe it would have turned all right that way too. All the girls had not been that bad. Asuka turns to lie on her side and her hand absently pats her stomach.

She thinks about Shinji and how he must be up to his ankles in the LCL infested water with his trousers rolled up and a bar of detergent in his hands. They have been using sea water to wash their clothes for days now; using clean mineral water to wash clothes had seemed like a bad idea before they had even attempted to begin it. 

Yes, she knows that they essentially carry an essence of literal human beings in their washed clothes and yes, it's disgusting if you think about it for a while but what can they do? Clothes are hard to come by as it is. 

The world would be so much more nicer if people could just come back. At least a few, please. She knows there have got to be other survivors scattered around the globe. _They have to be there._ She doesn't want to think about the alternative, at least not right now, not when she's in so much pain. She can feel her eyes drooping.

She sees Kaji in her head, and surprisingly, Misato too. They are smiling at her. Their voices mix with the sound of the waves and lull her to sleep.

* * *

Shinji is washing Asuka's panty. That isn't the surreal part.

(He's used to touching her clothes for doing laundry. Nothing strange here.)

The panty is stained with her period blood. No, that isn't the surreal part either.

(Okay, maybe it is a bit surreal but he has seen a lot of blood now, so it hardly matters.)

The actual surreal part is that this is something she didn't want him to do. This is a thing with which needing his help mortifies her. And yet, he is still doing it.

Something has shifted between them, he feels. He knows something changed between them the moment he had held her while sleeping all those nights ago, but now the shift feels irreversible. Hopefully, it's for the better. Hopefully it will help him understand her better.

He sighs. The water is cold around his ankles and he bends around for a moment to check up on his socks and shoes lying a few metres away on the beach, just to be certain. Old habits die hard — as if there's ever going to be a thief in a world of two.

Once looking forward again, he concentrates on the task at hand. He rubs the stain vigorously with the detergent bar, supplying it with ample amounts of water. He tries to not think about where it came from but he fails.

"Stop it, Ikari. You don't deserve to think of her like that."

That doesn't stop his mind from wandering into dark territories but it does act as a very good damper on their pace. Asuka has always been right. He really is a pervert. But right now, he isn't actually thinking of her like that.

(What Shinji wants is to not think about her body at all. _At all._ That's it. But right now…)

What he did to her in the hospital has been enough to make his thoughts about her underwhelmingly low on lust ever since the Impact. He's just thinking about her body in a general, non-sexual way and how painful it must be for her to clutch her stomach like that. Speaking of pain...maybe he should find her some painkillers…

Some seagulls squawk loudly above him, breaking his reverie and Shinji realises that he has been standing with her clothes still in his soggy hand, waiting to be dried.

The sun peeks shyly from behind the many grey clouds littered across the pale sky as Shinji hangs Asuka's undergarments on the small clothesline they have managed to assemble behind the tent.

He takes in the view: the swaying clothes on the wire, the tent and their tarpaulin covered supply stock behind it and the red sea further behind. It almost feels like a home. He wants to stay here and wait for the others but somewhere in his heart, he knows — he just _does_ — that Asuka wants to go further ahead to look for homebound survivors of the Third Impact.

She has casually mentioned at least twice that their supplies here will finish soon, and well, he cannot argue with that. She's right about that. Eventually they'll run out of food and water, amidst other requirements and there's only so much two kids can make do with in a ruined city.

So, what should he — _they_ — do? Where do they go from here? What should be their plan? He looks at his still pink palms and they provide no answers.

In the distance, the seagulls continue to squawk loudly. They provide no answers either. He sighs yet again — Shinji does a lot of that lately. The sand prickles his wet feet and he bends down to pick up his shoes and socks lying beside him.

He trudges along slowly to the supply stack and looks for her medicine in silence.

("Only you can find answers to your own questions," a voice chants in his head.)

* * *

When Asuka wakes up at dusk, she spots the empty space beside her and immediately panics, concerned about Shinji's whereabouts given his proclivity for arson these days.

When she walks outside, instead of all that, he welcomes her with a warm fire and soupy instant noodles and she is relieved. Asuka looks at him stirring the food in a deep pan above the crackling fire and he nods in return.

His eyes are hardened by the glint of the fire and there's a spark in them that had been missing for a long time. She notices all of this. Surprisingly, there is no awkwardness between them. She stands for a while before he hands her her share of the meal. Their fingers brush lightly.

Something has permanently shifted between them and she's here for it, for the better or the worse. It goes beyond washing clothes and holding the other in their sleep.

There's finally an understanding. Even if it is nascent, it has still taken its roots.

"Do you want to go away?" he asks, blunt and straight to the point.

"Yes — but I know you want to stay."

"That's true. I knew you might have figured out that but I think that maybe I've just been holding on to a false hope."

"False hope that they'll all wash up here?"

"Yeah…"

Silence ensues and they cover it up by eating. The sky darkens over their heads. Then he breaks the momentary calm.

"I have decided that I want to leave this horrible city, regardless of whether people come here or not."

She smiles. "Now you're thinking like me."

( **Then.**

She invites him to the Nerv employees' pool but he says he doesn't like swimming and instead sits the afternoon away on his laptop, dealing with thermodynamics. Even Rei Ayanami is swimming today!

He is truly stupid. He'll never be able to think like her.)

**Author's Note:**

> Stay tuned for the next part...


End file.
